Category Archives: Relationships

On the Glorification of the Side Chick

So, the question has been asked, is 2014 the year of the side chick?  When thinking about this there are a few things to consider.  Is this a declaration, a compliment, or a fear?  According to popular media, side chicks, or women (usually women of color) who are knowingly in a relationship with a man who is already in a relationship are on the rise.  However, side chicks existed long before reality TV, BET and tabloids.  When I was growing up it was not uncommon for a man to have a woman at home (usually the mother of his children) and …Read more »

The Blame Game: Black Women, Shame, and Victim Blaming

(Trigger Warning) I will never forget listening to the raging voice of a man I didn’t know on the other end of a phone line alongside my homegirl in Florida.  We sat in a room with the door closed while she told me what had happened the night before to preface the voice mail I was about to hear.  The man behind the voice was someone her sister had recently started dating.  He left the message on her voicemail several hours after beating and berating her in front of her child and leaving her bloody and unconscious on the concrete …Read more »

Scandalous!

Some spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned. Watching Scandal is a weekly ritual for me. I love to sit back on my couch, phone in hand (cause I gotta get my tweet on), and revel in the ridiculousness of this frothy primetime soap. Shoot, sometimes I bust out red wine and popcorn too. After my tweets and retweets, I go onto the Facebook and laugh and kiki with the Facebook folks about their thoughts. I even click “like” on the statuses of the Scandal haters who clown the rest of us. It’s all good fun. Then I love reading recaps by …Read more »

Black Queer Trouble in Literature, Life, and the Age of OBama: Part II

Originally Delivered by Cheryl Clarke as the Kessler Lecture on Dec. 6, 2013 at the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies at the CUNY Graduate Center   Scenes of black queer and feminist resistance; or “forced confinement and forced mobility” Recently I said the following at a “Symposium: Black Women’s Studies and the Transformation of the Academy” in 2010.  I shared the panel is Nikol Alexander-Floyd, Paula Giddings, and Cheryl Wall.  I think it is applicable to black queer trouble-making: “I remain convinced that there is no transformation in the academy unless black feminists engage in a kind of itinerant …Read more »

On Leaving The CFC

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. – Martin Luther King Jr. One of my main growing edges as a person is being a recovering people pleaser. Blame it on being an only child, a lonely extrovert without lots of peers to play with, a quirky black girl in a mostly white world growing up, a Gemini with a penchant for being a chameleon who can adapt to any situation… I used to put other people’s feelings and needs before my own. That shit sucked! I ended up doing …Read more »

Loving Ourselves: The Case for Radical Empathy

Her voice is a revelation and her concert last week in Atlanta was nothing short of a religious experience

It’s been a rough past few weeks, hasn’t it? Between the SCOTUS rulings, Zimmerman trial, another recent discovery of a serial killer who has targeted Black women, and the general tomfoolery of white supremacy experienced on a daily basis, it seems like we can’t catch a break. Certainly, it’s never easy to be a person of color, but it has felt, at least to me, particularly egregious recently.  We have a lot of work to do to get free and stay free, but in the meantime I’m really concerned about how we love (on) ourselves and each other—because the business …Read more »

Mama’s Baby, Papa’s Maybe

Father’s Day has come and gone again. As someone who did not grow up with a father or father figures, this day has not traditionally been on my radar at all. These days, though, it’s hard to forget Father’s Day, besides all the incessant commercials urging you to buy the fathers in your life any number of useless objects, there are all the obligatory posts and profile picture changes on social media that serve as poignant reminders.  I often smile wryly when I see these public declarations regarding fatherhood. Some posts seem like wishes for what a father might have …Read more »

Getting Crunk at Charis: Sweetwater and Supporting Feminist Bookstores!

Come one, come all! Join us in Atlanta at Charis Books and More on Friday, June 28th, 2013 at 7:30pm EST for CF Robin Boylorn’s book talk for Sweetwater: Black Women and Narratives of Resilience.   The CFC is so proud of our girl Robin! Earlier this year, she published her first book with Peter Lang Press, Sweetwater: Black Women and Narratives of Resilience and we want the world to know about it! Sweetwater is a semi-autobiographical narrative that poignantly describes Robin’s experience growing up as a rural Black girl, while also reflecting on the lives and relationships of Black …Read more »

the light of us: a mother’s day mix

call it our craziness even, call it anything. it is the life thing in us that will not let us die. Poet Lucille Clifton’s language for lineage was cherished. “roots,” a poem from her  1974 collection An Ordinary Woman named it light and I choose to liken it to mothering. it is the light in us it is the light of us it is the light, call it whatever you have to, call it anything I call it mom. I call it a practice of unconditional love that this weekend calls us to celebrate. To all who mother, thank you. Such living …Read more »

Not that Kind of Dr.

She has a substance abuse issue, she has anxiety disorder, she had an abortion during the semester (did not tell parents), she experienced sexual abuse by older female family members, she experienced being homeless (on her on) before coming to college, she is escaping a dangerous neighborhood and has lost several friends to gun violence, she has been on anti-depressant medication, she experienced physical abuse by her father, she is having major financial trouble, he is struggling and caring for his mother, he has gone without meals and shelter during college, she has struggled with peers pressuring her about weight, …Read more »

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