Blog Archives


They say eating pineapples makes your juices taste good. Lately, I find myself ordering lots of fruit salads, tryin’ to guarantee that my juices keep her coming back for more. She doesn’t know this of course. I mean, I know she loves me and I know she loves my goodies but still … I’m trying to lock this one DOWN. I’m not sure how she does it. Again and again. Well maybe, I do. It’s the way she looks in those boxers I selfishly buy “for” her. Her soft skin on mine. The way all her juices penetrate my lips. …Read more »

Like Riding a Bike? Dry Spell Dilemmas

  I have spent this Valentine’s Day season wrapped in the loving embrace of feminist friends and family who have expressed their care and affection through thoughtful cards, shared meals, and copious amounts of cocktails. I have been reminded numerous times how bootleg a holiday is that celebrates heterosexual coupledom at the expense of all other kinds of love, and I have felt blessed to be reminded of all the other kinds of love and care I experience routinely. But can I talk about how sometimes a sister just wants to get laid? I mention this not because it goes …Read more »

Happy Coming Out (and Going In) Day!

Donna Summer

Today is national coming out day so I called my girlfriend early this morning. “Hello? Are you okay?” she asked, sleep and worry mixed in her voice. “I’m gay,” I said. “Today is national coming out day and I thought you should know.” “Goodbye.” She hung up. She’s not a morning person. She also “came out” in her teens and I, a grown woman, am way behind. For me, coming out isn’t as scary as it probably was for her in the mid-nineties. I’m grown. I already had a baby “out of wedlock“, so I’ve experienced the worst of the …Read more »

Asking for Sex: Revisited

Last week, I wrote a post called Asking for Sex: What to Do When the Guy Says No. My interest in writing the post was to explore the contingencies and challenges of asserting sexual desire as a straight Black woman. What I know now is that there is much truth to that saying about hell and good intentions. Because I respect our community of readers, I want to both take some responsibility for the lack of clarity in the post and also actively (and perhaps aggressively) respond to many of the claims (and attacks) made on and about me in …Read more »

Asking for Sex: What Do You Do When the Guy Says No?

Frequently, I tell my friends that my life is a bad romantic comedy. There’s plenty of comedy, little romance, and never a happy ending. This has become all the more apparent as I have attempted to make sex a regular rather than sporadic occurrence in my post-30 life. I swear that I have managed to meet the only 200 men on the planet who actually say “No” when you ask for sex. (Of course I’m exaggerating. I don’t think I personally know 200 men that I find sexually attractive.) Feminism and becoming a grown-ass woman with a strong-ass 30+ year …Read more »

Birthday Sex

Today is our second blogiversary! The journey of these last two years in community with each other and all of you, our beloved readers, has been exhilarating, soul-affirming, life-sustaining, sometimes challenging and frustrating, but totally completely worth it. Thank you for joining us on the journey! So on this day when we are celebrating our collective effort to bring into life this space of creative praxis, healing, celebration, and the very hard work of imagining and creating a better world, I find myself thinking about what practices and relationships in our lives facilitate healing, celebration, and creativity. Sex. Yes, sex …Read more »


*** NOT WORK APPROPRIATE “Why Miss Celie, she say. You still a virgin.” –Alice Walker, The Color Purple “can/you touch yrself/&/when you do/ do you rush to say/ ‘get thee behind me/Satan?’” –Ntozake Shange, “intermittent celibacy” One. The First Lady and the girl are tarrying for anointing. She has spent her teenaged summer wondering why God has not made her body worthy of the Spirit that stretches women across the Pentecostal pews, speaking in tongues and falling out under the touch of the First Lady. She has finally walked down the carpeted aisle toward First Lady’s towering hat, her outstretched …Read more »

Living Single

I hate the term single. Despite the fact that most of us come in to this world by ourselves and leave that way there’s an expectation of partnering in the interim. And while you are granted a bit more of a reprieve from single shade* in queerdom, there’s still a palpable partner privilege that operates. Couples only hang outs, automatic invites to your partner’s friends’ functions, less unwanted amorous attention because you’re read as off limits, more respect for your time as it’s obviously being impacted by another person, etc. I’ve had the unfortunate but not uncommon experience of losing …Read more »

Single, Saved, and Sexin’: The Gospel of Gettin’ Your Freak On

Note: This is the first post in our month long series on sex, love, and relationships. To protect the anonymity of the CFs and so that we may speak more freely, many of us will be posting this month under the Collective pseudonym CrunkAsHell. We will also let you know whenever a post is NSFW (not safe for work). Happy Reading! Like most conservative Christian folks, I grew up believing, that sex was reserved for marriage. For years my sexual experiences were laden with guilt. I routinely went years at a time with no sexual contact, until I would finally, …Read more »

Do Good Guys Always Finish Last?: Thoughts on Dating in the New Year

Happy New Year! If you are over 30, highly accomplished and yet still single, perhaps you are breathing a sigh of relief at having survived another holiday season of prying questions, inappropriate remarks, and even, loneliness. This year, all of my aunties informed me at Christmas that they needed to know if I had a man, because they were diligently searching for one for me. Lol. Sigh. Where’s my drink? Even as a New Year dawns and a brigade of single sisters marches forth declaring boldly that “this is gonna be the(ir) year,” I am easing in, like one dips …Read more »

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